


Mind Games | Levi x Reader

by BaddieCurlsXo



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alcohol, Asphyxiation, Bondage, Canon-Typical Violence, Choking, Dom/sub, Dubious Consent, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Manipulation, Mildly Dubious Consent, Mind Games, Power Dynamics, Reader-Insert, Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan Anime Spoilers, Smut, Vaginal Fingering
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-03
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-16 19:21:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 20,738
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29829708
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BaddieCurlsXo/pseuds/BaddieCurlsXo
Summary: A smutty story with a healthy dose of side character interactions.
Relationships: Levi Ackerman & Reader, Levi Ackerman/Reader
Comments: 27
Kudos: 76





	1. Chapter 1

The sharpened tips of the grass blades tickled at the back of your neck as a cooling breeze slid down into the valley where you and the other cadets had been sparring for the better part of the afternoon. After having the wind knocked out of you, you thought it was quite kind of mother nature to offer some of it back to you, but the breeze only stung against the fresh wound on the side your mouth, blood beginning to form in thick droplets before sliding down the curve of your jaw. The pain startled your vision back to center and the dizziness began to fall away.

“Your recovery time is awful, Y/N. You’d be flattened into the ground by now outside the walls,” a soft yet pin pointed sarcasm filled your ears, the woman who had thrown the punch now standing over you, blocking out the sun, taunting you.

“Come on, Annie. Give her a break. She’s improved a lot in the last few months!” A familiar voice grew closer as a new shadow slipped into your slowly returning vision, nudging Annie aside and reaching out a hand to help you up. You caught a quick glimpse of green eyes.

“It’s ok, I’m ok, really,” You rejected the hand, setting aside the shock that still resided in your muscles from hitting the ground and pushed yourself to your feet. Head spinning, you shook out your limbs and prepared to reengage your fighting stance, “Let’s go again, I’m ready.”

“Y/N, you’ll never learn anything if you keep getting knocked out. Let me show you some defensive maneuvers,” Eren was now standing between you and the blonde, her fists already up in front of her face like a loaded gun. You sighed and stepped back — this wasn’t an unusual occurrence. When you first joined the cadets, you were one of the weakest, and slowest learners, and as a result the other cadets, mostly the men, would always go easy on you, which made it that much more difficult to even dream of catching up.

“She’ll never learn anything if you male-ego idiots keep standing in her way. Move, Jaeger,” Annie spat at him. She had been volunteering as your sparring partner more and more recently, and you couldn’t figure out why. Though you had to admit, even if your strength wasn’t improving, your agility most certainly was. Annie didn’t hold back, her punches much more dangerous than any of the boys’, and as a result you worked harder to avoid them.

“Actually, I can speak for myself, thanks,” You touched Eren on the shoulder, giving him a grateful, yet serious look before pushing him to the side, “I’m learning plenty right now.”

Eren took a few paces back, but didn’t leave to return to sparring with Armin, who was kicking rocks around in the dirt a few yards away. Instead he crossed his arms and nodded, indicating that he wanted to stick around and observe. Ugh, you thought to yourself, the guy thinks he’s all that because he’s already been assigned to a squad.

Annie’s eyes narrowed onto you from behind her clenched fists, and you responded by deepening your stance, ready to put your speed to the test this round, employing a solely defensive strategy this time. Without a moment of hesitation she lunged at you, throwing a punch at your left side followed by a quick sweep with her leg, aiming to knock you off your feet. You bobbed to the side and jumped backward, dodging both attacks one after the other. Her offensive maneuvers continued, unrelenting in each strike, it felt like ages before her energy began to deplete. Still, you kept your eyes on her, watching every muscle, every slight movement so that you knew exactly how to avoid it. The two of you continued on despite hearing a set of footsteps approaching from behind you, and you remained careful not to break your now laser-sharp focus on Annie, whose irritation from her inability to land a blow after all this time was beginning to show on her face.

“Jaeger,” the footsteps delivered a low voice that didn’t bother to shout over the sound of the sparring area, “we didn’t let you join the scouts so you could stand around and watch the girls fight,” Captain Levi walked into your view, Hange following just a few paces behind him, furiously writing in a notebook. You and Annie promptly stopped your sparring and saluted to your superior officers.

“Sir!,” Eren finally got the memo and saluted just a moment too late, “Cadet L/N had gotten knocked out, I was just making sure she was alright, sir!” You could practically smell the fear emanating from Eren in the presence of his own captain. You suppressed a laugh behind a tight-lipped smile.

The captain quickly looked your way, “Seems her only ailment is that an annoying brat won’t leave her alone. Ten laps, go.” You blushed, surprised at the concise observation. You weren’t sure if you hadn’t been hiding your annoyance well, or if the captain was really that astute. Eren sighed and saluted once more before taking off running.

“Don’t forget we have testing tomorrow morning, Eren!” Hange’s booming voice suddenly echoed in the valley of the training grounds, Levi gave them a side eye.

“Annie, go spar with Armin. He looks lonely. Hange, you can keep making your rounds if you want. I want to work with L/N for a bit.” Annie was gone before he finished speaking, and Hange took a moment to offer you a sympathetic look before running to catch up with her.

You immediately missed Hange’s presence as the air that surrounded you and the Captain suddenly felt cold and dense. You had had very little interaction with him before, but in the recent weeks leading up to squad assignments the squad leaders were showing their faces more and more during training, sizing up the cadets, weeding out the weaklings, sniffing out the assets. He would occasionally walk by you and make a quick correction, kicking your boot to widen your stance, pulling your shoulders back to balance your center of gravity, lifting your fist to better protect your face, but he never stayed longer than a few seconds, and you were always glad. He scared the crap out of you.

He stood and looked at you for a moment. This might have been one of the worst times ever to be looked over by Captain Levi - your hair was a disheveled mess, probably filled with dirt and grass, dust covered your backside from the fall, and the blood from your lip was still slowly trickling blood in a line down your chin, which you realized as you touched your hand to your face and attempted to wipe it clean. “Why didn’t you attack, cadet? There were plenty of openings.”

“Sir, I— ” you didn’t know what to say, your heart was beating fast, adrenaline surging, maybe from the spar with Annie, maybe from the iciness in the Captain’s stare, which you averted. You resolved to push past the fear you felt, aligning yourself once again with your more recent attempts to strengthen your backbone, “It was an intentional decision. I wanted to work on my agility.”

He tsk’d, “When you shy away from your openings like that, you’re training yourself to wait. If you can’t be decisive in the field, you die. Or worse, your comrades die.” His words hit you like a punch to the gut, and you moved your eyes to meet his, which had been waiting for you. His expression was impatient, yet forgiving. He must think you’re capable of doing better, you thought, otherwise he wouldn’t be wasting his time on you like this. You tried to think of something to say, anything at all, but your mind was empty.

Just then, Eren returned from running his laps and stopped next to you and the Captain, hands on his knees, heaving to catch his breath for a moment before mustering a half-assed salute. “Ten laps, completed, sir!”

Levi took a few steps back and crossed his arms, “L/N, I want you to knock out Cadet Jaeger. If I see you miss more than 3 openings, you get to spar with me.” You gulped, a shiver running down your spine. You had never knocked someone out before, and you couldn’t even bring yourself to imagine sparring with Captain Levi — you might as well imagine spending the next few weeks stuck in the infirmary.

“Sir, I’m not sure I’m able to—” you glanced at Eren who, to your surprise, looked just as thrown off guard as you did. He shook his head in quick, subtle motions, as if to beg you not to finish your sentence. You were sure he didn’t want to fight you; neither of you were certain you had the strength to knock him out at all, and if Eren was caught holding back, you’d both have hell to pay. If anyone here was familiar with Levi’s wrath, it was Eren, so you nodded back at him, scrunching your face into a determined gaze, and turned your attention back to your captain, “Yes, sir. I understand.”

The two of you got into position, doing your best to ignore the heat of Levi’s stare burning into you. You watched as Eren steadied his breathing. You scanned his body, wondering where the best place would be to strike. His abdomen would knock him to the ground, but a hit to the head is what Captain Levi was looking for. You’d have to strike in a moment where his fists were in an outward trajectory. You considered going in during a left hook, bobbing to the right and swinging at him with a left hook of your own, but you weren’t certain you had the arm strength to incapacitate him that way. It had to be a momentum-driven kick. Eren had been watching Annie for a few weeks now, you were sure he must have picked up her sweeping leg move and would be trying it on you. For it to work, his hands needed to touch the ground, and his back would be toward you for a split second before he swung his leg around. That could work.

“Any day now, brats,” Eren raised his eyebrows at you and blinked a few times. You nodded, getting the message that the fight was about to commence. By now, the rest of the cadets had stopped their own sparring and began to draw closer to the two of you, not bothering to hide their curiosity. A few shouts of encouragement echoed from within the small group, a few of them most definitely from Hange, and with the extra encouragement you decided to go on the offensive and throw the first punch, knowing full well they wouldn’t land. At the very least, you could use this opportunity to prove to the captain that you weren’t as indecisive as he assumed, all the while holding back a bit to store enough energy to land a kick when the opportunity presented itself.

“Come on, Y/N! You got this, girl!” Sasha was cheering, pushing herself up over Conny’s shoulders to get a better view of the action.

“Knock the twerp out, Y/N! Teach him a lesson!” Jean shouted through cupped hands, not bothering to hide his true intentions of pissing off Jaeger more-so than encouraging you.

Two, three, four openings now, all met with a swing and a miss. You began to worry that the sweep would never come. At least if Eren landed a punch or knocked you out, you’d be freed from the fight and saved from the humiliation of having to spar with the captain. After all, he did say that the consequence of sparring with him would only be a result of missing openings, and so far you were moving on all of them.

“That’s two, L/N.” Shit. Your stomach dropped. Of course Captain Levi would be seeing openings that you wouldn’t be able to. Your mind raced, focus melting away, you considered giving up then and there, dropping to the floor like a child who couldn’t get their way. The Scouts were never that important to you anyway, you thought to yourself, maybe this would be the straw that broke the camels back. Your mind momentarily drifted to your home, a small house in a small town that was nuzzled up against the North-West side of wall Maria. You remembered the small room where you sat day in and day out for three years, the sound of dozens of buzzing sewing machines following you home at night, accompanying you in your dreams. You thought of the other seamstresses, the looks on their faces when you announced you’d be leaving for the military, cold expressions and judgmental remarks flooded your memory. You pictured their simple little lives, crumbling away into thin air like newspaper inside a fireplace.

Just then, Eren began to bend his knees, his entire body lowering to the ground, his face disappearing as he turned. Electricity fired throughout your body as you watched victory move into view. You wound up with a primal scream, and in one swift movement, you spun around, outstretched your leg and delivered a brutal kick to the side of Eren’s head, sending him face first into the ground, the red shimmer of blood dripping out from his ear, catching the light of the setting sun.

Silence fell over the training yard as you stood, stunned. Eren’s unconscious body limp in the grass. A few more gusts of wind passed through in the silence before Hange hurried over, “Nothing to see here, folks! Armin, help me get Eren to the infirmary. Everyone else get on with your evening!” Hange was now crouched by Eren’s side, checking his pulse, peering at his wound. They looked up at you, “That was quite a kick, Y/N!”

“Uh, thank you, section commander!” You stammered, the exhaustion in your bones now creeping into your awareness. You felt a little nauseous, you couldn’t believe you knocked him out. The crowd was nearly dispersed now, and as the excitement died down, worry began to show on your face. Hange and Armin slung Eren’s arms over their shoulders, lifting him to his feet. You look a few steps forward to offer your assistance when you noticed Eren’s eyes fluttering behind his eye lids, “Eren, are you…”

“He’s fine! Don’t you worry, Y/N, he’ll be good as new by dinnertime as long as his healing kicks in, and just in case it doesn’t… to the infirmary!” Hange’s lighthearted attitude gave you a mild, but much needed sense of relief. The pain from Annie’s punch was now searing, and you realized the cut had reopened in the fight and blood was forming in heavy droplets. You quickly attempted to wipe away the blood with the back of your hand as you realized the captain was still standing where he had been the entire time.

You turned toward him, not wanting to wait to start whatever conversation he was expecting to have with you, “I missed two openings?”

Levi moved closer to you, looking you up and down once more. You couldn’t help but notice how you enjoyed the way he examined you; it almost worked to dampen the fear his presence induced in you. “No, four, by the end of it.”

His low voice set you back on alert, the words it delivered leaving a sense of defeat hanging in the air. You must have missed lower body openings, you thought, they weren’t good for knock outs, but they were openings nonetheless. You sighed, unsure what this meant for your situation. You mustered up a response, “I’m sorry, Captain. It won’t happen again.”

The captain sighed and looked down at the grass. You couldn’t decipher his steely expression, not with the way his dark hair fell over his eyes in the dusk’s drowning sunlight. “I didn’t think you’d actually knock him out. I half expected you to bow out before the fight even started.”

Unable to hide the offense you took at his statement, you scoffed, which elicited a glare from him that made your breath catch in your throat. Nevertheless, you gathered your confidence, “With all due respect, captain, I may lack experience and strength, but I’m not a quitter.” You straightened your posture, pleased with the eloquence and sharpness of your response. Standing your ground wasn’t always something you were good at, but training with the scouts all these months forced you to move past those kinds of barriers. Unlike at home, there was no room here for shyness, uncertainty, or weakness, and if a cadet didn’t catch on, they usually ended up working in the fields before long. That fate, to you, seemed just about the same as the life you so desperately worked to escape.

“Hmm,” he hummed, closing the space between you two, as if to test your resolve. You stayed put, locking your stare onto his, fear washing over you. You were sure he could see how scared you were, and you were sure at least some part of him was enjoying this. He never shied away from pushing the cadets he interacted with, all under the guise of “improvement”, but no one could deny the pleasure he derived from making you squirm. Before you could register his movement, the edge of your collar was in his grasp, but not in the threatening way he usually favored, this was delicate. He held the fabric between his fingers and gently wiped the blood from your chin. You forgot to breathe. “We’ll see about that.”

It was becoming more difficult to see now as the sun dipped behind the mountains. You remained silent, confused by the closeness, endeared by the gesture, scared by the remark. Mustering up courage, you responded, “Captain, am I… in trouble?”

He released the grasp on your collar and stepped back, “Your observation skills need work. Come by my office after dinner and we’ll talk about your punishment.” Without another word, he was gone, walking back up toward the castle, leaving you alone there in the darkness.

......................

hi readers! I've been wanting to write something like this for a while, so I'm excited to finally be posting this even if no one ever finds it lol. if you do happen to be here please leave comments i would love feedback! the next chapter will be a bit steamier... we'll get smutty eventually just be patient :)


	2. Chapter 2

Dinner felt quieter than usual. All the same noises were present: Jean and Eren argue over who can jump the highest, Armin bores Annie with the details of the newest fiction he’s been reading, Sasha and Connie mock Jean behind his back, egging on Eren who tosses Sasha a dinner roll. The difference was you, lost in an ever-deepening cave of your own thoughts. You regard Eren who, even with a bandage wrapped tightly around his head, blood stain seeping through on the right side, a thin wisp of steam trailing up from his wound, is acting as his usual argumentative self. Still, no matter how much you scolded yourself for your feelings, you couldn’t shake away the guilt you felt for hurting him. There’s no room for useless remorse in the Survey Corps, you thought to yourself, I have to get thicker skin.

“Hey, Y/N!” Eren was now scooting down the bench on the other side of the table, stopping when he was directly across from you, “Why so glum? You did great today, kid.” He rested his elbows on the table and cocked his head at you with his lower lip exaggerating a frown, attempting to pry a smile out of you. You obliged, and even offered a laugh to match.

“I guess I did ok,” you shrugged, the praise was one thing, but the sense of accomplishment was so unfamiliar to you that you fumbled with it even hours later. “I still missed four openings.”

“No way! I watched you the whole time! Did the captain say that?” Jean was shouting from beneath Conny, who was wrestling him for the dinner roll he had stolen from Sasha.

Eren leaned in, ignoring Jean, a look of concern growing in his brow, “What did Captain Levi say?”

You immediately regretted bring it up amongst the other cadets, not wanting them to feel sorry for you, definitely not wanting them to know that there were still consequences to be paid in the near future. You decided it would be easier to keep it a secret. “He just said I needed to work on my observation skills.”

“That’s it?” Eren sat back, stunned.

“That’s it,” you held his gaze for a moment before returning to your dinner, finishing up the last few bites as if to stifle the fear that crept back up again. You took a deep breath, calming your nerves as you prepared to leave for the captain’s office.

“Man, can’t say I’m not jealous of you. Captain short stack beats the shit out of me just for breathing sometimes,” you stood up from the bench, as if to put physical distance between yourself and the affirmations Eren was unwittingly feeding into your worry. “Hey, where are you headed?”

“I’m tired, hitting the hay early. You should too,” you quickened your pace, gathering up your belongings to make your leave, Eren’s commentary only fueling your sense of unease. You paused as you felt his eyes on you, then looked over your shoulder to offer some version of a reassuring smile, “Sorry about your ear.”

…

You trudged up a long dirt pathway to the southern part of the castle where you knew the captain’s office was situated, though you had never actually been there before. As you came up over the hill you were greeted by a small brick offshoot of the massive structure, surrounded by small shrubs and climbing vines. As quaint as it appeared from the outside, you’d never imagine that just beyond its wooden door was Captain Levi himself, humanity’s strongest, the most brutal superior officer in the Survey Corps. You tried drumming up a doctored imagine of him in your mind — relaxed, sitting in a comfortable chair, sipping his tea. You held onto it, as if that could somehow soothe the very real, very warranted fear that tightened into a knot in your stomach. You knocked on the door.

After a few short seconds, you heard a faint voice instruct you to come inside, the sound of it made you want to turn and run in the opposite direction, but you swallowed hard and turned the handle, pushing the door open.

Captain Levi was sat at a large desk that faced out into a candlelit room lined with mostly empty bookcases, teacup in one hand, a pen in the other, eyes trailing over the lines of a page. You stepped over the threshold, quietly slipping inside, back pressed lightly against the door as it clicked shut. You waited for him to acknowledge you there, taking advantage of the handful of seconds to study his features in this new light. The feeling of his hand against your chin as it wiped away the blood returned to you as you watched him. Even through the barrier of the fabric there was an undeniable warmth to him that seemed to peer out from behind his dark hair, but careful to stay hidden in the shadows.

“Are you going to stand there all night, cadet?” Without looking up from his paperwork he lifted two fingers and beckoned you to come closer, “Sit.”

As you approached him you spotted two wooden chairs near his desk, one directly across from him, and one pulled around to the side, closer to his own seat. The stack of papers in front of the latter indicated which one was for you. “You want me to do paperwork? Seriously?” The words didn’t give you a chance, they were out before you could even consider the mistake you’d be making in saying them. You meant to express your surprise, but it came out sounding more like a spoiled teenager from the inner walls. He cocked an eyebrow at you, looking up for the first time since you had been there. Shoulders tensing, you allowed your worry to curve up into your brow, hoping to garner some sympathy from the man. He met your eyes for a beat before letting out a short sigh and gently setting down his teacup. As he stood up from his chair, your heart dropped into your stomach.

“I’m sorry sir, I didn’t mean—”

Without breaking his stare, he moved around the side of the desk and approached you. You tried to hold your ground, just as you did before at the training grounds, but your body betrayed you as you felt your feet taking hurried steps backwards, attempting to escape. He moved after you, slow and patient, following until your backside was pressed into the wooden door once again. With no where else to run, you resigned yourself to look straight ahead. The captain’s eyes still locked on you from beneath low lids. Giving you time to squirm in anticipation of his arrival, he continued at his slow pace, until there was no space left between you at all. He placed a hand on the door behind your head, looking down at you as you cowered. I’m dead, I’m totally dead, you thought to yourself, I should have left a note to the other cadets to plan my funeral.

Since the captain hadn’t yet spoken or made a clear indication of his mood, you considered things might not be as bad as you were expecting. For a moment, you imagined him sweetly taking your hand and walking you back to the desk, assuring you that the paperwork wasn’t an easy job that anyone could do and he really did need your help. In an instant, the image turned dark, and you were on the ground, pleading. Your mind jumped between a myriad of scenarios, unable to land on a single one that seemed plausible and non-violent. You wondered if the captain was aware the mind games that blossomed inside your head, if he had intentionally planted the seeds.

In a final burst of courage, you made one last ditch effort to deescalate the current atmosphere with your words, “Captain, sir, I— I was just surprised. I was expecting something different, that’s all. I apologize.”

“Hmm,” He hummed in your ear, his voice was so close that it vibrated in your bones, “what type of punishment were you expecting, then?” He must have been taunting you, reminding you of what he is capable of, how things usually go when a cadet is reprimanded. He must be fully aware that your lack of experience in interacting with him left you at a disadvantage, giving you no other option than to make guesses with little information. The games continued.

He waited for you to collect yourself enough to respond, still hovering over you, holding you there against the door without even touching you. That’s what it was, what you were expecting. You expected him to put his hands on you, to beat you, hurt you, like he did with so many other cadets. Maybe you wanted him to, you were growing so tired of special treatment and having Captain Levi go easy on you may as well be a nail in your military career’s coffin. “To be honest, sir, I was expecting physical punishment, maybe extended cleaning duties, I don’t know… I just wasn’t expecting paperwork.” You began to straighten your stance a bit, pushing against the tension in the air.

He reached up with his free hand, and you flinched as he moved a stray hair behind your ear, “Don’t underestimate my punishments, cadet.”

Suddenly a searing pain ripped through your scalp as the captain took a fistful of your hair and dragged you back to the desk, practically throwing you down onto the chair. Your instincts wanted you to react, to cry out, to condemn him for the sudden and painful attack, but the second he removed his hand from your hair, he ran a soft palm over the top of your head, dragging it down to stroke your cheek with his thumb, holding you gaze for a moment before releasing you and returning to his chair.

“Your issue isn’t strength, cadet. It’s focus. Resolve. You didn’t miss those openings with Jaeger because you lacked strength or experience, it’s because you just weren’t paying enough attention. Maybe once you’ve worked on those skills a little we can talk about how weak you are.” You shot him a look, now unable to hide your anger. How could he possibly call you weak after the way you physically incapacitated Eren fucking Jaeger, the titan shifter, humanity’s last hope? You wouldn’t normally let it get to your head, but you refused for it to be downplayed, either. You huffed, calling attention your way, as if you were about to stand up for yourself.

“You’re shaking. Fix your hair.” The captain stopped you before you could open your mouth to respond. Outraged eyes shot into him as your quivering hands reached up to work the mess out of your hair. You tried to remind yourself, this is just how he is, he treats everyone this way, don’t take it personally.

“So, the paperwork?” Brushing away the last few minutes like they never existed, you picked up your pen and scooted closer to the desk in your seat. You may not be an excellent fighter, and certainly not an observational one, apparently, but you sure as hell could compartmentalize when you needed to.

“Go through these profiles, they’re all new recruits. If their records are clean, mark the page with a checkmark, if you see anything unseemly, put an X. Just stay focused. I think even brats like you can handle that much, right?”

“Got it,” you began the assignment, punishment, menial task, time killer, whatever it was. You couldn’t help but wonder what would’ve happened had you just lost the fight against Eren. You suspected the outcome would be the same. Captain Levi seemed to want you here, you thought, but just as a mindless lackey to get the paperwork done, you told yourself.

Levi turned to his work as you buried your mind in your own. A long time passed that way, the two of you scratching your pens against paper amidst the silence. You were about three fourths the way through your stack of paperwork before your eyes started to drift outside the edges of the page, creeping across the desk, landing on his hand. You were suddenly, stupidly transfixed on watching the muscles flex and relax as he carefully penned some unimportant letters. Your gaze traveled up his arm to the scrunched fabric of his rolled sleeve, then continued up to his profile, the strands of hair hanging above narrow, focused eyes. Your breath became shallow.

“That’s strike one, L/N.” You were caught. How did he know? You quickly returned to your chore, the sound of your pen scraping loudly against the page. That’s how.

The captain set down his pen and neatly stacked his papers, standing to put them away on a shelf somewhere behind you, out of your view. You tried desperately to maintain your focus on the task at hand, but the sound of him shuffling around behind you got under your skin, and you found yourself rereading the same file over and over again, the words slipping past your pupils. Each second that passed without the sound of your pen piled onto your worry like hot wax. You heard his shuffling cease as a sobering thought washed over you — you were alone with Captain Levi in the quiet, secluded space of his office, and no one knew you were there. Your heart rate rose again and you forgot about the files completely.

“Captain, I wanted to, well I was wondering if… is it ok that I’m here this late?” You felt a hand on your shoulder.

“Don’t stop working,” his voice crept into your ears as he leaned in from behind you. Your breath caught in your throat as you felt the chair you were sitting in being pulled away, forcing you to your feet. You turned to see what he was doing, but before you could catch a glimpse of him your head was slammed hard into the desk. “I said, don’t stop working.”

The wood surface scratched against your cheek, you tried to sit up but his firm grasp held you where you were. You gripped the edges of the desk to try and push away to no avail. You made a sound, a whimper, maybe, that was met with harder shove into the desktop. You considered going weak at the knees, dropping to the floor, begging him not to hurt you, or maybe you could bolt for the door, make a run for it. No, he was too fast, too strong. Even if you made it out, you’d have to pay for it eventually. You were trapped there.

“Captain, please…” He released you, stepping back. Seeing no other option, you propped yourself up on your elbows and picked up your pen to continue the work.

Humiliated couldn’t even begin to describe how you felt right now, the insult to your intelligence with such a simple task was bad enough, but this position he now had you in — bent over his desk, disheveled, at his whim. Vulnerable. Still, you continued, checkmark, X, X checkmark, checkmark, X. The stack grew smaller and smaller, you counted ten pages left.

You felt a pressure on the inside of your boot. “Spread your legs.”

You followed his orders, allowing him to kick your feet apart, causing your posture to become more angled, more curved, more exposed. Checkmark, checkmark, X.

A hand met the outside of your thigh. A warm, light touch that held back a strong grip trailed over your pants, searching for the straps of your uniform. You felt a few tugs, the soft metal clanging of the buckle, the release of tension as the strap fell away. Checkmark, X, checkmark.

“So you do know how to follow orders,” another strap came loose, then another, his hands touching your thighs more liberally with each one. As the fourth strap came loose, he stepped back once more. You imagined him admiring his work, perhaps admiring you. Stay focused, almost done, you didn’t let a single other thought into your head. X, checkmark, X.

“I can’t beat the skills into your head like I can with some of the other cadets,” he wandered around the space that remained out of your vision, but you trailed the sound of his voice, keeping your head down, “It’s a hunch, but I think you might have at least some fucking intelligence floating around in that head of yours. 

Your stomach fluttered at the almost-compliment. Something else was fluttering inside you as well. A soft smile showed on your lips as you returned your focus to the final page, placing the final checkmark. You held still. “Finished, captain.”

“Good. Stay. Hands on the desk” He returned, and you tensed as his footsteps drew closer. A hand appeared at your back, caressing your waist before snaking around to the front to release your chest harness. The feeling of him brushing against the sides of your beasts as he worked the buckle made your breath falter. You felt the warmth in your face as your cheeks blushed, and you were glad he wasn’t able to see your face. What is he thinking right now? What would he have you do next? How late was it? Was anyone wondering where you were? Without a task to hold your focus, the room suddenly became very large, as if to expand to accommodate your wandering thoughts, your mounting questions, your growing nervousness.

He did say focus and determination were my weaknesses, he did say he thought I would bow out of the fight with Eren. If the first task was based in my ability to focus, then right now he must be testing my resolve, my willingness to follow orders no matter how difficult. But… like this?

His entire body pressed into you as he reached his arm around to take hold of the final buckle at your waist, the warmth of his physique caressing you from the outside in. You felt a presence on the inner sides of your boots once again, but this time rather than moving you, he immobilized you, stepping into the space of your open legs and locking you in place. Lightly pressing your legs together, you tested the strength of his hold. You shivered when they didn’t budge. You could feel his strong arms flexing against your frame, his breath warmed the shell of your ear. You licked your lips and took a deep breath, trying to hide just how flustered you had become in the closeness. You could feel his hips grazing up against your backside. You suppressed the desire to lean back and close the space.

With a final tug, the harness was released. He slipped it over your shoulders, allowing it to fall to the ground. You inhaled sharply as the buckles clattered against the hard floor.

Hands returned to your waist, this time more powerful, expressive of something more than the delicate way he removed your harness. Searching for a visual anchor to keep from from floating away in an ocean of fear, your eyes landed on a cabinet on the other side of the room, lined with large bottles of dark liquid. You studied the cabinet, reminding yourself to breathe as his hands traveled down a ways, slowing, stopping, starting again. When he finally arrived at the waistband of your pants, he grasped the fabric of your white button up shirt, pulling it up and out of the confinement of your belt. You gasped, audibly and deeply. The both of you held still there for a moment, waiting for the other. Then, the captain surprised you once more.

“Are you… ok?” His words were as gentle as the way he was now holding you, one hand softly on your hip, the other at your waistline, halfway between the opening of your garments, hovering over the skin of your abdomen. There was a tinge of knowing to his tone, though, as if he were merely expressing politeness, perhaps attempting to coax the desire he knew existed in you out into the open.

The inquiry caused you to question the nature of this dynamic — was this really still a part of your punishment? Did his sudden regard for your wellbeing exempt you from having to follow orders if you told him you weren’t ok? You wondered if you had just obtained a sliver of control, perhaps you had it all along. Despite the instinct to stop, to run, to get the hell of out of there, curiosity still bubbled inside your head. Desire blossomed everywhere below it. You struggled against your mind, but your body was wining you over.

You wanted to test the balance, push up against the power dynamic of captain and cadet that felt farther and farther away the longer he pressed you into the desk. “If I said no, would you really stop?” You smirked, turning you head to catch his shadow in your peripherals, feeling his breath drawing closer to your neck. A soft pressure arrived at the skin of your nape. He was kissing you, planting small affectionate pecks along the curve of your neck. He licked the top of your ear, slowly dragging his tongue down until reaching the top of your shoulder. Your whole body shuddered, the wetness between your legs now undeniable. He opened his mouth against the muscle in your neck and bit down. You yelped, partly in surprise, mostly in pain. “Levi!”

In an instant, a strong hand wrapped around your throat, whipping your head back. Fingers dug into your flesh as the air in your lungs came to a halt. You were lifted to a stand, your back now pressed firmly against him. His voice was nearly a whisper, “if you address me improperly again, I will destroy you. Understand?” You mustered enough strength between gasps of air to nod your head. He continued, “In a moment I’m going to let you breathe, cadet, and when I do you’re going to answer my question,” tightening his grip on your throat, with the other hand he slipped the tips of his fingers into the waistband of your pants, “Are. You. Ok?"

Terror surged through you, brain clouding, pussy throbbing, oxygen depleting. The muscles in your hands began to weaken. You tried to squeeze out the words, “Captain, please…”

He released his grip but kept his hands where they were. Your body became limp for a moment, falling into him as he held you up. Choking on the air as it returned to your lungs, without a second thought, you sputtered out an answer, “Yes, I’m ok.”

.......

ooooo what did Y/N just agree to?????


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok this chapter is very smutty please read the tags and proceed with caution!!

“Yes, I’m ok.”

Without hesitation he returned his mouth to your neck and got to work on your belt. You were still leaned back onto him, still dazed from when his hands were around your neck. The buckle released, and with a light tug, he pulled the length of your belt out from the loops and gathered your wrists behind your back. In your returning clarity you asked yourself, _what the hell did I just agree to?_

You struggled to keep the panic at bay as the leather began to caress your wrists, and the freedom you once knew drifted away in the hard silence.

He gave the restraints a quick tug before stepping back, holding you at your shoulders to ensure you had fully regained your balance. It was strange how the gesture made you feel safe, looked after. You wanted to cling to that feeling, hoping it could drown out the less desirable ones.

He stepped in front of you, and you saw him for the first time since you had been sitting together at the desk drumming away at your paperwork. It felt like years had passed since then. He looked you over, and you searched his expression for clues, hints, anything that might let you in on what could be going on inside his head. To your surprise, it was no different than any other day at the training grounds. This made you feel curious, rebellious even. The desire to push him remained an itch to be scratched.

“Captain, may I ask you a question?” You softened your expression, hoping to coax something out of him.

He locked his stare onto yours, stealing your attention as if to tighten his grip around whatever control you had been trying to sneak away from him. Without breaking eye contact, he stepped forward and began to work the top button of your pants, pulling your hips closer. Inches from your face now, he kept your eyes as he reached the zipper, slowly bringing it down, watching you. He lifted his brow slightly, daring you to ask your question.

“I—” you stammered, your shallow breath slicing at your words as he dipped his thumbs between the waistband of your pants and the skin that waited underneath, “is this… is this still part of… of my punishment?”

You could have sworn you caught a flash of a smile behind his eyes at your query, but his demeanor remained steady, even as the fabric of your trousers slipped over the curve of your hips and down to your knees. He crouched down in front of you as he pulled the fabric down, sliding his hands over your thighs as he descended. Goosebumps that raised to greet the cold, lonely air of the office were soon calmed by the heat of his touch. You sighed in relief that he left your underwear in place, though by the way he dragged the palm of his hand over the dark colored fabric that separated him from you, you wondered how long they would stay there.

Standing once again, he cupped your face, finally answering you, “Yes it is.” Moving behind you again, he let out a dull sigh, “I don’t want to bore you with repetition, but, I need you bent over the desk again.”

Holding your shoulders, he gently set you down on the desk once more, holding your head to keep it from hitting the wood. You wanted him to keep his hand there on your cheek forever, accidentally whimpering when he finally pulled it away. “Spread your legs. You should be getting the hang of this by now, cadet.”

 _Cadet._ You tossed the word around in your mind, watched it bounce around as it searched for sense among the circumstances. It felt meaningless to you now, the formal interpretation of the dynamic of superior and subordinate that brought you here to begin with. You had resigned yourself to play the game the moment your body overcame you, to pretend that this was normal, just part of his strategy to instill knowledge in you. You tried to brush away the thoughts as you stood there, cold, bound, bent over. Thoughts weren’t going to do you any good now anyway.

The familiar warmth of your captain’s hands returned to you, but this time they arrived at your the curve of your bottom, sliding down slowly, lightly pressing fingers against the thin cloth at your crevice. You jumped, startled by the bold action, suddenly feeling unsure. The leather belt bit at your wrist as you tried to squirm away from his touch, but he took the restraint under his grip and held you still. You pleaded, “Captain…”

“Mm-mm, quiet, Y/N. You speak when spoken to.” The sound of your name in his mouth lit sparks in your bloodstream, setting whatever inhibitions that remained ablaze, melting them away completely. The light strokes he painted with his fingertips became small circles as he toyed with the sensitive bud beneath the fabric. You tried to suppress a moan by pressing your forehead into the wood of the table, the sound of your heavy breath echoing back into your ears.

“Do you like it when I touch you, cadet?” He brought his free hand to your waist, caressing you under your shirt for a while before sneaking his fingers under the band of your sports bra. He explored your breasts, alternating between soft embraces and digging his nails into your skin, occasionally stopping to rub your nipples between the pads of his fingers.

The waves of pleasure that shot up from your center were sweeping you away, you barely heard him when he asked his question. That is, until he pulled his hand away and the pleasure you had become so comfortable in was soon replaced by a white hot sting on the flesh of your backside.

“Answer me.”

The pain was so intense that you cried out and tears began to push against the backs of your eyes. You couldn’t hide the distress in your voice as you forced out a reply, “Yes, Captain! Fuck. Please don’t hit me again, please—”

_Slap._

The second blow took the voice right out of your throat. Stunned by the lingering pain, you held your breath and bit down on your lip, trying desperately not to welcome a third.

Captain Levi placed a forgiving palm on you, caressing the red, raised handprints he had just inflicted, “Breathe, Y/N.”

Not realizing you still weren’t breathing, you invited a sharp inhale and turned your head to the side to try and cool down the beads of sweat that formed on your brow. Your captor moved to the side of you. Meeting your gaze, he wiped the tears from your cheek with soft sweeps of his thumb as you looked up at him with grateful eyes.

“Do you want me to touch you some more?” Looking down on you like this, he looked almost apologetic, like he felt sorry for the pathetic mess of a woman trembling half naked on his desk, as if he didn’t meticulously place you there, as if he didn’t make the mess himself. You wished you could break free of the belt around your wrists and wrap your arms around him. He had just hurt you and yet, you began to crave his comfort. The contradictions only exhausted you, your will slipping away little by little.

You nodded, but forced out a compliant ‘yes, sir’, careful not to provoke his sadistic side once more.

“Beg me.” He caught the remaining tears that fell from your eyelashes on the pad of his thumb. The hand that caressed the welts on your ass was creeping in under the cloth of your underwear. He had you right where he wanted you.

“Please, captain. Please touch me. Please.” You could barely recognize the sound of your own voice, drenched in want like that.

“Touch you where, cadet?” He slipped in a little further, now caressing the skin that concealed your folds. The feeling of his skin against yours drove you wild, you could feel your wetness pooling just below where he held his fingers, taunting you. You paused, suddenly feeling the shyness you had worked so hard to overcome. But Levi grew impatient before you could muster up enough confidence to respond, “Tsk. I’m disappointed, cadet. You aren’t learning as quickly as I thought you might.”

_Slap._

The third slap sent a dull ringing into your ears before the pain even reached your senses. The room spun, so you closed your eyes and let yourself melt into the desk. Defeated, the words slipped from your lips without restraint, “Captain, please touch my pussy.”

“Good girl.” The ringing in your ears was suddenly drowned out by a rapturous whirlwind of sensation as your captain spread you open and dragged his fingers across the wetness that pooled near your entrance. Gathering your juices on his fingers he explored every fold, every peak, every valley of you. He pressed into your mound in concise, gentle patterns until your thighs began to shake. You wanted him. Inside of you, all over you. You begged him silently from behind your teeth, but remembered his command to stay quiet. The desire to please him rivaled the desire to have him.

“I can tell you want something, brat,” He caught you once again and you smiled, wondering how much of your face he could see. “Go ahead, tell me what you want.”

“Captain…” shyness remained, but the persistent sting on your backside from his previous warnings jolted you to quicken your response this time. “Captain, I want you inside me.”

He chuckled, an unfamiliar sound that was tinged with just enough malice to shake your nerves. “Is that so?”

“Please, Captain Levi, please,” you couldn’t stand the sound of your own pleading, but the force of your desire was stronger than your insecurities, stronger than the small voice of logic whose muffled cries begged you to get out of there, begged you to yell _please stop_ , always losing momentum after that first word, _please._

You felt the fabric of your underwear drag over the welts on your bottom as he pulled them down to your knees, fully exposing you. A quiet moan followed by a sharp exhale escaped his throat at the sight of you, the sound of his desire only increased your own. He pressed his thumb up against your entrance, tracing small circles while the rest of his hand committed to the bud of nerves nearby, waves of need moved through you and you pushed back against him, encouraging him, begging him. Your pussy pulsed and twitched as he remained there, thoroughly enjoying every moment of your desperation.

Finally, he pressed two fingers deep inside you. A sincere moan freed itself from the deepest darkest parts of you, filling the room with the sweet music of your pleasure. You felt your walls clenching against him as he manipulated you from the inside out. His other hand groped and scratched its way up your thigh as it traveled to your clit. You writhed and hummed and begged some more, surrendering completely to your captain.

A pressure began to build inside you. Your moans became higher, breathier, staggered. Your eyes rolled back into your head. Your knees shook beneath you.

“Ask for permission,” he quickened his pace and lowered himself over you to bite at your ear.

Your eyes were jolted open at his command, orgasm growing dangerously close.You considered for a moment staying quiet, letting yourself fall over the edge before the question could make it’s way out of you. But you imagined what might happen if you defied him now, and quickly obeyed.

“Fuck, please, sir, please can I come?”

“No.” He pulled his fingers out of you, and slowed the others that circled your clit. Just when you thought there could be nothing worse than feeling the peak of your orgasm slipping away and out of reach, the palm of his hand, now wet with your juices, came down onto your ass with staggering force, a piercing _slap_ resounding against the walls of the office.

“Ahh! God fucking damn it!” You cursed at Levi. The sensation of yet another strike on top of the already inflamed, burning skin was too much to bear on top of the lost orgasm. The affection you had felt had now completely gone, and anger was on its way come fill the space.

You tried to lift up off the desk, pull against your restraint, kick your legs back, but it was no use.“Let me go. Untie me. Let me out of here!”

With a soft grunt, the captain roughly pushed his knees against the insides of your thighs, spreading your legs even wider than before. “You’d better settle down, cadet.” Unbothered, mildly amused, he gave you a final warning.

The sobriety of the moment left you feeling terrified. You had never felt so powerless, so vulnerable. _Why the hell is this happening, what is wrong with me?_ You chastised yourself for allowing things to go this far, wishing now to take it back.

“Captain, please. I’m not sure about this anymore…”

He paused only for a short moment before returning his hand to your pussy, petting you softly, as if to patronize you. “Ok, brat. If that’s what you really want, say the word. Say _stop_ and you can leave.” He punctuated his sentence by pressing his fingers into you once more, beckoning the return of your pleasure from deep inside your walls. You shuddered under his control, the anger and fear you felt only serving to amplify his hold on you.

Through faltering breath and soft moans, you asked him, “Are you going to hurt me again?”

“I might.” He sped up again, pushing and twisting in and out of you, teasing you, worshipping you, finding each and every little spot that could drive you over the edge. You already felt your orgasm threatening to return, bringing back the fear of pain alongside it.

“If I ask to come, are you going to hurt me again?”

A hand crept into your hair, taking a handful and pulling back sharply until you were lifted up off the desk and pressed into his body. He kissed you messily on your neck, and you shivered against him, trying desperately to keep yourself from reaching your peak. His voice was in your ear. “Ask and find out.”

There was no turning back now as the rumble of his voice in your ear pushed you up to the edge, where you now stood teetering, a simple question keeping you from the fall.

“Captain, can I please come?”

“Come, baby.”

Finally, you fell gracefully, dropping into billowing silk sheets of pleasure free of pain. Levi still held your hair, lightly now, just enough so he could press his entire body up against you to feel every writhe, every moan, every shiver of the peak he brought you to.

He kept his hand on you while the final surges of your orgasm passed through you, as if to catch it on his fingertips and savor it before it dissipated into the quiet. The two of you paused for a while, leaning into each other, breathing through the afterglow.

He gently lie you down on the desk once more, holding your cheek in the way you now knew you enjoyed, his free hand worked to untangle the belt at your wrists. Your arms slumped down at your sides and you winced as pain burst in your shoulders.

“Stay there,” Levi’s voice was more gentle than you had ever heard it before, you almost didn’t recognize the sound. You lifted yourself to rest on your elbows over the desk as he brought your underwear back into place, stopping first to brush a worried thumb over the forming bruises. “You can put your pants back on if you want, but, it might hurt.”

He moved away from you now, and walked across the room to a cabinet lined with jars of herbs and tealeaves, teacups, and a few dark colored bottles. Finally you stood up, feeling the soreness from having been in that position for so long. You pressed against your lower back and stretched out the tired muscles before reaching down to pull your pants back up.

“Ah shit,” you hissed — he was right, it did hurt. You wondered if he broke the skin, or if maybe you were just being sensitive, feeling sensitive. As you fastened your top button, you wondered what would happen now, if he would ask you to stay, push you out quickly, expect you to have the discernment to know what he would prefer from you. You were caught up in wondering how he felt, what he might be thinking, that you almost forgot to ask yourself the same questions.

 _Shame, definitely._ You identified a feeling bubbling up from the pit of your stomach. Everything else, thoughts and emotions alike swirled around in your mind, unable to settle. You looked over at Levi, who was making his way to a small couch near the cabinet, dark-colored bottle in hand. You had always assumed he didn’t drink liquor.

He sat down, uncorking the bottle and spreading one arm over the length of the top of the couch, and took a swig. “Come sit down.”

You obliged. It felt strange to look at him now, knowing that the hands that held the bottle had just been inside you moments ago. The captain you had always recognized as your superior officer and nothing more had just stripped away all your inhibitions and torn you down to your most primal desires, all while standing behind you, keeping himself out of the spotlight.

You sat down on the farther end of the couch, leaning against the armrest slightly in order to face toward him. You brought your knees up to your chest, almost subconsciously, as if to comfort yourself.

“Um, Captain Levi,” you tested the feeling of his name in your mouth. It felt ok, maybe even good, certainly not bad. He looked at you, stoic as ever. “What… was that?”

He faced front once again, hiding the minuscule expression that pursed in his lips, quickly swigging the bottle to hide himself from you. You figured as much.

“Here,” he pressed the bottle into the side of your arm, still looking away.

 _Thank god_. You had been eyeing the bottle, the smell of the liquor becoming more and more aromatic as the welts on your skin burned hotter and hotter. You drank, the liquid sloshing in the bottle the only sound amongst the silence.

Levi clicked his tongue, annoyed at himself for what he was about to say, “Are you… are you alright?”

You let yourself smile softly; you didn’t want miss the opportunity to revel in the small moment of humanity he offered to you, even if it was strained and messy.

“If I said no, will you answer _my_ question?” You pressed him. You deserved to know. He shot you a look, but to your relief, the confidence you had been building over the past few months had retained its structure despite the events that has transpired, and you stared back at him.

He snatched the bottle back from you. “Tsk, brat.”

You broke out into laughter, you couldn’t help yourself. You could feel the shame that had been taking root in you slowly drown in the alcohol, and the only other feeling you could muster was amusement. He just stared straight ahead, seemingly lost in his own thoughts as you giggled.

“I’m alright, I’ll just take it easy tomorrow. It’s usually a pretty lax day for the rest of us when Hange takes Eren out for experiments anyway,” you spoke through your fading laugh, mostly to yourself, thinking out loud. You reached your hand out, asking for another swig. Reluctantly, he passed you the bottle once more and watched you as you drank. He seemed a little sad, in his own way, but you knew asking him anything further would be a fruitless effort.

It soon became clear that he wasn’t going to say anything else, and you knew if you stayed you’d just keep drinking until it was impossible for you to get back to your room. You returned the bottle to him and hopped up from the couch. Taking a deep, long breath, you stretched your arms up, exaggerating a nonchalant attitude. You turned to face him, “Captain, am I excused?”

He raised an eyebrow at you, though it was impossible to decipher if he was annoyed or intrigued, maybe both. He leaned forward, elbows on his knees, looking up at you through a low, serious brow.

“Did you learn your fucking lesson, cadet?”

There it was, the patented Captain Levi coldness. The venom in his voice made you shiver, but you welcomed the familiarity of it, grinning. “Yes, Captain. I learned plenty.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a lot of fun writing this chapter. I'm pretty new to writing fiction so any comments and kudos at all would be hugely appreciated, even if just to let me know you read through it <3
> 
> I'm excited about the next few chapters, I really enjoy writing smaller interactions with the less central (to this particular story) characters, so I think as this fic goes on there will be a healthy dose of that alongside the smut :)


	4. Chapter 4

The next morning you were up early, fighting off a migraine. Hange had asked you a few days prior to help prep what was now affectionately referred to as the “Experiment Squad” — a group of a few cadets who accompanied Hange to take Eren out to a remote location where his transformation wouldn’t cause too much of a ruckus.

You began your day just before sunup in the mess hall gathering rations for their trip, which wasn’t too much work since they planned to return before sundown. After the rations were prepared, you headed up to the stables to begin tacking the horses. The morning mist drifted through the air, bouncing along the wet grass in tandem with the sunrise.

For a long while you felt very peaceful there in the cold, quiet morning. Keeping your head down and getting your work done allowed you to set aside the memory of the night before — you’d save it for another time. Right now, you just wanted to breathe in the silence.

When you finished up with the saddles, you took an armful of supplies to take to the wagons and turned to make your leave, but before you could exit, someone stepped out from behind the wall and into your path.

“Oh, hi Annie,” you took a step back, “I just finished up in here, you can let Hange know I’ll be waiting down the hill at the wagons—”

“I came by your room last night.” The blonde had her arms crossed over her chest, her piercing blue eyes shooting daggers into you. There goes your quiet morning.

You pressed your eyelids closed for a moment, the sound of her voice poked at what was left of your headache. “Yeah, and?”

“It was pretty late, where were you?” She looked you up and down, searching for an answer you knew she wouldn’t find. However, you did wonder why she cared.

“Better question, why did you come by? You’ve never come by my room before.” You tried to move past her in an attempt to avoid the question, but she shifted her weight, indicating she intended to keep you here until she was satisfied, or got bored, whichever came first.

She sighed and tossed up one of her hands nonchalantly, “Oh, you know. Solidarity,” you looked at her, unconvinced. She rolled her eyes, then continued, “I was impressed with your fight with Jaeger yesterday. Didn’t expect you the kick the shit out of him like that.”

“I _impressed_ you, huh?” You feigned intrigue through your sarcasm, but your eagerness to end the conversation kept you from thinking too hard about what she was after.

“Ugh, listen.” She shifted impatiently now, knowing the rest of Hange’s ‘Experiment Squad’, which she was begrudgingly a part of, would be arriving soon, “I see the way all the boys here get protective over you, you know, because it makes them feel big and strong when they spend all their time with the weakest cadet in the Scouts”

It was a fair point, you were used to this kind of insult by now anyway, “Ok, and?”

“I’m sure at least one of them saw the whole thing as an opening. To congratulate you, comfort you, get closer to you, something like that, _”_ she gave you a look.

You wondered which man she was putting the assumption on, noticing the irony in the thought itself. “So what, you were coming to check on me? Because I did something impressive you thought I might get _coerced_ or something?”

“Well, did you?”

 _Well, did I?_ You were careful to keep your thoughts away from your expression.

“Annie, please, you don’t have to worry about me. But next time you want to have a sleep over you can just ask me, ok?” You smiled sweetly and patted her on the shoulder, choosing to ignore her death stare. A small group was approaching the stables and you were instantly grateful for the interruption.

“Cadet L/N!” Hange ran ahead of the group, arms flailing when they caught sight of you. “I can’t thank you enough for helping out this morning! If I had left the duties to any of these slackers we wouldn’t get out of here until next week!” They laughed loudly, throwing an arm over your shoulder, nearly causing you to drop the supplies.

“It’s my pleasure, Section Commander!” You beamed back at them. Hange was always such a delight to be around, bringing sunshine into every space. Not even Captain doom and gloom could diminish their shine.

Speak of the devil.

Captain Levi approached the stables with the rest of the group, fully suited in his ODM gear. He was the last person you wanted to see right now. You were able to mostly ignore one another, though, as Eren, Armin, and Sasha arrived with him. He wasn’t normally a part of this team. At the behest of Commander Erwin, the captain usually spent his days running the base. Turns out things run a lot more smoothly when everyone is scared of the person in charge. You wondered what he was doing here, but kept your eyes elsewhere.

Sasha came up to you and clung to your shoulders, a serious, desperate look on her face, “Please tell me you stored enough food for us, Y/N. Last time we went out for a full day I nearly died of hunger!”

“Sasha, you ate your entire ration _and_ Annie’s last time…” Armin interjected from where he now stood on the far side of the small stable, affectionally greeting a horse, a sweet tinge in his voice.

“Don’t worry, Sasha. You won’t die of hunger, not on my watch.” She gave you a quick hug at your reassurance and scurried off, probably to check the rations herself.

“Y/N! The one-kick wonder!” Eren ran up to you and patted you on the head, “I still can’t believe you kicked the shit of me like that.” You both laughed, but you furrowed your brow.

“Jeez, Eren, I feel so bad. Did it heal ok?” You peered at his head, there weren’t any bandages or sign of injury.

Levi had already disappeared into a stall to tend to a horse, but you could feel his attention on you. You knew that normally, had he heard you confess that you felt remorse about hurting Eren while carrying out his orders, he’d reprimand you for it, maybe make you do it a second time. Though you had a feeling that the captain would be maintaining his distance this morning, giving you plenty of space to test the waters.

“Oh yeah, it look an hour or so but,” he pointed at his ear, “all healed!”

Suddenly changing his tone, Eren quickly glanced around the stables, took a step closer to you and lowered his voice, “Hey so, I came by your room last night to check on you, you know, since you had to go see you-know-who, but you weren’t there. Everything ok?”

 _Damnit,_ you thought to yourself, _the one night I got back to my room late suddenly everyone has taken a special interest in me._ You weren’t sure if you were more annoyed that you now had a secret to keep, or that Annie’s reasons for checking up on you might be valid after all.

At the edge of your vision, you could see Captain Levi emerge from the stall and rest his eyes on you, watching and listening. You kept your eyes on Eren’s.

You couldn’t help but feel excited by the obvious worry that Eren’s question incited in Levi, but it was tempered by the equally potent lack of trust in you to keep your mouth shut about what had happened. Nonetheless, you felt like you could sit in that moment forever, the two men waiting for you to give them each something different to put them at ease.

“Eren, I’m not a fucking princess. I don’t need you to check up on me,” he crossed his arms at you, insisting you give him a better answer. You blurted out the first excuse you could think of, “I couldn’t sleep so I went for a jog. That’s all.” You shrugged at him.

He leaned in once more, whispering this time, “and… the meeting?”

“Jaeger,” a stoic voice interjected, and Eren stiffened his posture and turned to meet Levi’s glare, “get to the wagons before I decide to let Glasses try out their new knives on your titan.”

Eren gulped and scurried away, not before looking back at you and waving, “we’ll talk more later, Y/N!"

Then it was just the two of you. You stared each other down from across the length of the stables.

He walked toward you. You could feel your heart start to beat in your chest, but you took care to keep your breath steady. You shifted you weight, still holding the supplies in your arms, “Accompanying the adventure team today, Captain?”

He looked you up and down before returning to your eyes, savoring the tension for a short moment. “Lucky for me, four-eyes needs an extra set of hands for today’s experiments.”

The image of him standing over you, holding your cheek and wiping away the tears that emerged from pain he inflicted, rushed into your mind. You looked at his hands that were crossed over his arms, missing the feeling of them against your bare skin. The soft touch, the painful one. All of it. You swallowed hard, resigning yourself to ask the question that was pacing around in your mind.

“Captain, sir, uh. Last night…” you paused, giving him an opportunity to stop you, but he didn’t flinch, “had you planned for all that to happen?”

He broke his gaze for a split second before catching himself and sharpening his gaze on you. He clenched his jaw before delivering a reluctant “No.”

The captain then turned and began to walk away, you scrunched your face, annoyed, and were about to shout after him when he looked at you over his shoulder and motioned for you to follow.

At the bottom of the hill from the stables, the small group that would accompany Hange was nearly loaded up and ready to go. The rest of the cadets had gathered there, probably waiting for Captain Levi to give them assignments for the day since he wouldn’t be around. They saluted him as he approached, you trailed a few feet behind, stopping at the wagon to drop the supplies inside.

“Listen up, brats. I have to babysit Eren today. Gear up in ODM, spend the day in the forest, work on deepening your cuts on the dummies.”

 _Crap._ You could still feel the bitter sting of the marks left on your ass from the night before, you knew that a day in ODM would be hell. But Levi knew that.

You finally joined the group and stood near Mikasa, who mostly ignored your presence aside from a subtle glance in your direction. Luckily for you, she hadn’t been present yesterday to witness the fight with Eren, as she was often pulled to train with the veterans, but you knew that by now she must have heard about what happened.

“L/N, you’re in charge. Make sure no one _takes it easy_ today.” That asshole. He threw your words back at you, words you mindlessly uttered to yourself in the aftermath of… whatever the hell all that was. You still didn’t know, you still hadn’t had time to think about it. Regardless, for whatever reason he still sought to torture you, to punish you. Your could feel your blood boiling as sets of eyes crowded on you from all directions, but all you could see was Levi, staring you down, showing you in front of all your peers which one of you was in control.

He turned and mounted his horse, and before you could form a single thought, Hange’s team was thundering away, wagon in tow.

You didn’t notice that you had clenched your fists.

“So, uh, Y/N. You’re in charge, I guess?” Conny broke the silence that had fallen over the group.

“Out of everyone here, he picked _her_ to be in charge? No offense, Y/N, I just, you don’t…” you shot a look at Jean, who stopped in his tracks and fumbled with his words, “I’ve just never really seen you take an interest in leadership before, that's all. I thought he might pick someone more suited for the job, like Mikasa.”

“That’s why he chose her,” Mikasa’s soft yet firm voice shut down the doubt that was growing within the group, “he wants to show that anyone is capable of leadership, and we have to show respect to whoever is put in charge.”

You sighed loudly. They were both wrong. Somehow, in less than 24 hours, you had put yourself in Levi’s line of fire, and he had skillfully masked your continued punishment as a _leadership exercise._ Though, the possibility that this could all just be a real attempt to help you grow as a soldier did cross your mind, but didn’t stay long.

Nevertheless, leadership wasn’t your thing, and you weren’t about to try and act like it was. “I guess that’s one theory, Mikasa.”

“You should be more grateful for the opportunity, Y/N. It’s a chance to prove yourself.” Reiner’s low voice snuck into the conversation from somewhere outside the circle of the group.

“I have nothing to prove.” You spoke wistfully, letting the words carry away in the morning air. The truth in your statement was somewhere to be found, hidden under the surface.

You squinted your eyes and squeezed the bridge of your nose as the sunlight that flooded into the valley began stirring up your headache. You wanted nothing more than to ignore the captain’s orders and return to your bed.

Resigned, you finally huffed and gave the order, “Alright, whatever. Everyone get in your ODM gear and meet me at the southern edge of the forest in 20 minutes.”

…

Tree branches whizzed past you as you flew through the air, eyes moving rapidly from tree to tree, locking onto a new target for the hooks of your gear every few seconds. The light of the afternoon had begun to change and the forest was feeling smaller and smaller as the sunlight filtered out.

The day had gone well, by your standards. Everyone showed up on time, no one had issues with their gear. You sent everyone to lunch at noon and had everyone back in the air by one o’clock. You had them run basic and intermediate maneuvers with the dummies in the morning, then play a glorified version of tag in the afternoon where all maneuvers were acceptable. Hange had had you and a few other cadets play the game before, and you figured recycling the section commander’s teaching style would be fine.

Most of the day didn’t bother you with pain, but by the late afternoon you we’re having difficulty staying upright in your gear, the sting on your backside and the lack of adequate sleep from the night before throwing off your center of gravity.

You planned for everyone to meet up where you all started, then walk back through the forest together since it was the quickest way back to the castle. You landed nearby, and could see a few of the other cadets beginning to crowd ahead of you.

“Ah, Y/N’s back! Get over here, we have a surprise for you!” Jean shouted, raising what looked like a bottle up into the air. Conny was next to him, grinning wildly. Reiner and Berthold sat a few feet away tending to a fire. Ymir and Historia were cuddled up, sitting on tree stump.

“What’s all this?” As you approached the group, you noticed that they had set up a small campfire, having moved a few large rocks and branches to be used as seats into a circle around a makeshift fire pit.

“We grabbed these when we went on lunch,” Conny pointed to another couple of bottles sitting on the ground “We also had some bread and pastries stored in our room, but I think Sasha must have gotten to them first.”

Sasha and the rest of Hange’s team would be coming back any minute now. And Captain Levi. You shuddered at the thought of him showing up here and finding a group of cadets drunk in the forest while the superiors were gone all day.

“Where did you even get this stuff?” You picked up one of the bottles, examining it. It looked similar to the bottle you had a few swigs of the night before. “It isn’t stolen, is it?”

“What? No! A few weeks ago Jean’s friends from back in Trost sent him a package with the stuff!” Conny had a pleading tone in his voice.

Jean walked up to you, grabbing the bottle and removing the top, “My buddy’s family owns a distillery, so every now and then they send these over. Don’t worry, it’s totally fine, Y/N. Besides, I’ve been looking for a good time to crack these open.”

You glanced around and realized about half the group had already left, Mikasa included. You couldn’t help but feel a little bothered, you figured that since the day had gone smoothly under your charge that naturally the group would reconvene once training had ended. At the same time, you were glad to be relieved of Mikasa’s not-so-subtle glares in your direction.

If you were honest with yourself, the idea of spending the evening drinking and chatting with your comrades sounded really nice. Joining the military might have freed you from the mundane life you had back home, but it didn’t come without a price. There were often long stretches without any real fun. Still, the risk of getting caught was too high. You’d be damned if you ever had to give up your ODM gear for a sewing machine.

“No way, guys. I’m not trying to get _months_ of stable duty. And that’s if Section Commander Hange found us, best case scenario. If Captain Levi found us…” you trailed off, thoughts of Levi’s soft voice wielding his not-so-soft discipline intruding your mind.

“Y/N, the sun is down, the training day is over. We’re all of age to drink alcohol,” Reiner spoke up from where he was tending the fire. He gave you a soft, reassuring smile.

“And technically, this forest isn’t even part of the training grounds. So we’re not breaking that rule either!” Marco was beaming at you as he offered his own reassurance. You could feel everyone’s eyes on you. For some reason, they were waiting for your go ahead.

You opened up the bottle and took a swig, feeling the sting of the drink rip down your throat and into your empty stomach, which set off a round of whoops and hollers from your comrades.

……

Several bottles were now empty and you had completely lost track of just how many gulps you had swallowed. Everyone was cozied around the fire that Reiner ceremoniously tended to, stupid smiles plastered across their flushed, rosy cheeks.

“And then, out of nowhere, I kicked him in the shins and he fell over, crying like a little baby!”

“Shut up, Conny! That’s not what happened at all! I got distracted and you took a cheap shot! I could kick your ass any day, any time, short stuff,” Jean hiccuped. Both he and Conny were wasted and had been locked into a reimagining of their own sparring match from weeks before.

Marco listened with his mouth agape, giggling at every comeback. Berthold was laser focused on their conversation, trying his best not to look over at Ymir and Historia who were both cuddled under Ymir’s dark green cape, stealing kisses and giggling quietly.

“Jean, I bet the ladies really love you with that cry-baby attitude of yours,” you teased, throwing your head back and laughing loudly, Conny and Reiner joined in as Jean gritted his teeth.

Suddenly, Historia interrupted the boisterous laughter that filled the atmosphere with a small voice, “Guys! I think I heard something in the woods!”

The sound of her voice was unanimously ignored, all except for Ymir, who stood up and shouted, “Hey! Idiots! Historia said she heard something in the forest!”

“It’s probably just a deer or something, Historia,” Berthold tried to be the voice of reason.

She shot him a look, “No, it wasn’t _deer_ noises. It was more like a whooshing sound.”

“No, Historia is right, I heard something too. But it was hard to make out over all the noise.”

“A whooshing sound? Maybe an owl flew by then,” Jean took another swig, nearly falling back off the rock he was sitting on, “We’ve all fought titans before and you guys are worried about what, tiny little animals?”

You felt a familiar anxiety begin to take root in your stomach, but you shrugged it off, blaming the alcohol that seethed in your empty stomach. You had preferred to keep your gaze facing out to the field, it was easier on your distorted vision, but you glanced behind you anyway to scan the dark spaces between the tree trunks. You saw nothing unusual.

“What if it’s something dangerous though, like, I don’t know, a bear?” Historia was now standing beside Ymir, who held her arm around her protectively.

Jean and Conny, in their drunken state, got up and started growling, curving their hands into claws and stomping over toward Historia, who laughed and screamed, hiding behind Ymir.

“Come on, I’m not intimidated by a _bear!_ We could take on a bear if we had to!” Jean put up his fists and pretended to throw punches at Ymir, who scowled at him, but joined in on the play fight nonetheless. Reiner was clutching his stomach, chuckling as Ymir landed blows to Jean’s bicep. Conny and Historia shouted out their bets, Berthold and Marco cheered them on. Everyone was laughing feverishly, even you. You hoped you weren’t too drunk to remember this tomorrow.

Then, a voice interrupted.

“I’d like to think I’m a little more intimidating than a bear,”

You felt your blood run cold at the sound of Captain Levi’s voice. Half of the group yelled out in surprise before a dead silence fell over them as they all turned toward the forest, where the captain was leaned casually against a tree. You closed your eyes, but didn’t turn around to look at him. There was nothing more to do than to let things unfold as they were going to unfold.

Conny broke the silence, “Captain Levi, sir, um what… what are you doing out here in the woods so late?” Ymir punched his arm, shutting him up.

“I could ask you brats the same, but by the look of those empty bottles I think I already know.” His voice was calm, but not in his usual, icy way. He didn’t sound bothered, or angry. You felt the urge to turn around, but you knew his face would be holding the same, low lidded, bored expression as it always did. “When I went to return my gear, I noticed there were eight sets missing. I came to retrieve them.”

You glanced around, realizing that half the group was still wearing their ODM gear, the other half had dumped the equipment in random spots all around the clearing. Discarded blades were scattered near the campfire.

“We’re so sorry, sir! We’ll clean this all up and return the gear! It won’t happen again!” Historia began collecting the bottles and placing them back in the wooden box Jean had brought them in.

Reiner began to kick out the fire, but decided to ask the question on everyone’s minds, “Captain Levi, what rule did we break exactly? We’re allowed to drink after hours as long as we’re off the training grounds, right?”

“Glad to hear you’ve read the handbook, Braun. But that’s not it. You have ODM equipment in your possession after hours, which is against the rules. I’ll give you all your assignments for your punishment tomorrow when you’re sober enough to remember them.”

Defeated and drunk, everyone in the group began lumbering back through the forest to the castle.

Finally, you stood up, and the world spun around you. You tried to blend yourself into the small group, keeping your head down; you’d do anything to try and avoid any contact whatsoever with the captain. However, your efforts proved fruitless as a strong hand grabbed you by the arm as you tried to sneak by.

“A word, L/N.” You turned to look at Levi, whose death grip was almost as strong as his death glare. He was still fully geared up in ODM - that must have been the whooshing sound Historia heard. The two of you stared each other down while the chattering voices of your drunken comrades faded into the distance.

“What is it, captain? Gonna tie me up again? Teach me another lesson?” You slurred your words together, then hiccuped and teetered backwards, but Levi, who still gripped your arm kept you standing. Now that the fire was out and your friends had gone, you could feel just how intoxicated you had become.

“I put you in charge and you couldn’t even get the equipment returned. Come to find it’s out in the forest with a bunch of wasted brats. Someone could have gotten hurt.”

“What, you thought we were going to go flying through the trees drunk off our asses? Please, you’re overreacting. Now let go of me.” You tried to push his hand off of you, but he only tightened his grip and pulled you closer to him so that you were face to face.

“Talk to me like that again, cadet. See what happens.”

Somewhere in the back of your mind, you knew you were in hot water, you knew that you had messed up, you knew that you had been given a small amount of trust and immediately broke it. It was difficult to find the motivation — you weren’t here to be here, you were here to _not_ be somewhere else. Being in the Scouts was just the lesser of two unavoidable evils. Despite all that, you were drunk, and pushing Captain Levi was the most alive you had felt in months. And it wasn’t easy turning down such an inviting dare.

“Alright, _captain._ I apologize for my insubordination. I’m the worst cadet the Scouts has ever seen! Just put me in the stables, I’ll clean up horse shit for a living. I can live with that, it’s still better than being a fucking seamstress, making dresses for ladies in a fancy town I’ll never even see.” You swayed from side to side, blabbering on without much thought to your words. You were beginning to form a habit of this.

You wouldn’t have noticed if it weren’t for the sudden lack of balance, but Levi released his grip on you, sighing. “Here,” he said, and guided you by the shoulders to lean back against a nearby tree. He grabbed a small canteen from his waistband, “drink some water.”

You took the canteen, and as the water trickled down you throat you realized just how thirsty, not to mention hungry, you were. He stood with his arms crossed, watching you. The grey in his eyes lit up against the moonlight. He looked handsome, kind even. The moonlight suited him.

“Captain,” you started, but the word felt wrong, “Levi.”

He met your eyes and gave you an impatient look, but didn’t correct you.

“I enjoyed it, you know.”

He scoffed at your words, “Cadet, don’t go there.”

You handed the canteen back to him, “Sorry, Captain. But you went there first, I’m just following the leader here.”

He looked at the ground, and there was a long pause before he pushed off the tree he was leaning on and began walking back toward the castle. You followed behind him for a few steps, but he slowed down to let you catch up. The two of you walked side by side in silence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was really fun to write. I kept having this image of Levi sneaking up on a group of drunken cadets and just leaning on a tree waiting for the right moment to scare the crap out of everyone, so I had to write it.
> 
> Make sure you come back for chapter 5. They're not out of the forest yet ;)
> 
> I got like 4 comments on my last chapter and they MADE MY DAY so please leave kudos or comments if you feel inclined <3


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some content warnings for y'all:  
> -this is a smutty chapter, hide the children  
> -there is what I would consider some -very- dubious consent here  
> -blood and violence  
> -emotional difficulty  
> -definitely some hurt/comfort going on in here

You had been walking for some time, the only sound in the darkness was the clanking of your ODM gear and the occasional scrape of your boots against the dirt path when you would lose your balance. The patches of moonlight that fell through the trees disoriented your vision, making it difficult to keep your eyes forward on the long, tree-lined path that would eventually lead you back to the castle.

It was hard to think right now, let alone walk a long distance, but this might have been the first time all day you had enough peace and quiet to try and wrap your mind around the night before, and in what better company.

“How much did you have to drink?” Captain Levi demanded more-so than asked, interrupting your thoughts.

“Who knows?” You laughed at yourself when you tried to remember and couldn’t, “Maybe half a bottle? Maybe two whole bottles? Maybe I didn’t drink at all and I’m stone cold sober right now!” You threw you arms up into the air, as if to show off your false sobriety, but lost your balance and stumbled, falling down onto your bottom.

Levi stopped and a few paces ahead of you without turning around.

You let out a weak laugh, then a sigh. You were reaching the stage of intoxication that you always dreaded: still drunk but self aware. You realized how dehydrated you were.

“Can I have some more water?” You asked from your position on the ground, elbows propped up on your knees, head slumped over.

Levi exhaled his impatience before turning and handing you the canteen again. “Tsk. You’re a mess.”

You were slightly relieved when the few sips of water dulled the sharper edges of your intoxication. You looked up at Levi, who was now standing over you. He wasn’t wearing his usual Scouts uniform, instead he wore black pants, black boots and a long sleeve grey shirt.

“Get up. You’ve already wasted enough of my time today.” He extended his hand, and you assumed it was to take back the canteen, not to help you up.

You returned the now-empty container and gracelessly pushed yourself up to your feet. “It’s not _my_ fault you put a time-waster in charge today. I bet my file says, ‘Y/N’s favorite past-time is wasting other people’s time’. So, that’s on you.”

“Watch it.” The tone of his voice darkened, but you laughed him off, as you were still drunk enough to ignore his warning. After all, you figured that if Levi was actually going to get rough with you he would have done it by now. It seemed like he just wanted to get back to the castle and be done with the day.

You proceeded on your journey, and by the looks of the yellow glow in the far distance you estimated you were about three quarters of the way back.

After a few minutes you let your words flow out again, “Why _did_ you put me in charge? Do you have it out for me or something? Did you want to see me fail?” You spoke listlessly into the darkness, not really expecting a response from him.

“I thought it would be good for you.” You looked over at him in surprise, but he remained facing forward, moving determinately down the path.

You waited for him to continue, but quickly realized he wouldn’t. You pressed him, “What? That’s all you’re going to say? I think I deserve a better response than that.”

Suddenly he turned to stand in front of you, stopping you in your tracks, the moonlight now gliding over his sharp features. You almost didn’t notice that his usual bored expression was beginning to collapse into frustration.

“Check your attitude, _cadet_. I’m not telling you again.”

On a normal day you’d be scared of him, maybe you’d cower a little before saluting and delivering a straightforward, no-nonsense response. But the unearned confidence that hid away in your veins compelled you to challenge him.

Rather than cowering, you took a small step forward, closing the space between your bodies, as if to intimidate him. You almost laughed at your own foolishness, but you were enjoying yourself too much to back off now.

You smiled innocently and narrowed your gaze onto his, which pointed back at you with a deadly force.

“Attitude? I’m not sure what you mean, _captain_.” your voice was soft and daring as you invited him to follow through on his threats.

When he only stared back at you through a lowered brow, you saw it as a challenge to push even more, and reached your hand up with the intent to brush away the hair that fell in front of his eyes.

Before your touch could reach him, your wrist was caught by his unrelenting grip. You yelped under his strength and opened your mouth to speak, to tell him to get his hands off of you, but the words never left your throat as he pressed his other palm over your mouth and sent you staggering backwards until you were slammed against the base of a nearby tree. In the same movement he had gotten ahold of your other wrist, both of them now gathered in his grip above your head.

His dark eyes sliced into you as you squirmed under him, struggling to get enough air. The solitude of the forest amplified its only sounds: the breeze that moved through the branches, the crickets that chirped against the cool night air, the muffled cries that slipped out from between the strong fingers that pressed into your cheek.

“Listen, brat. No matter what has happened, no matter what will happen, no matter where I put my hands on you and why, I am your captain. You do as I say the first time I say it.”

There was something different about Levi in this moment. Cracks were forming in his icy facade, and the usual indifference that painted his expression was now darker, more dangerous. You tried to ignore the sensation that took root at your center as he rendered you motionless. The fiery desire to challenge him had now dwindled into a small flame, a different desire igniting to take its place.

The bark of the tree scraped into the skin on the backs of your arms and you wondered if it might be drawing blood. You began to whine and protest into his palm, a part of you hoped it would snap him out of it, make him realize just what he was doing, how aggressive he was being. Another part of you hoped it would anger him more.

 _Why did I have to provoke him, what is wrong with me?_ You allowed the thought to pass through you, pushing the clear reasons into some far off corner of your mind. You didn’t want to admit it to yourself. Not yet, anyway.

Suddenly, your cries were silenced and your breath was halted as Captain Levi’s hand moved up slightly to cover your nose, blocking your only remaining airway. Regret flooded into you as you labored to inhale, but your chest only quaked back and forth in the struggle. He watched intently as the panic seeped into your eyes, expanding your pupils. He was enjoying this.

“I’ll let you breathe if I can trust that you’ll do as you’re told.”

Your eyelids began to flutter, blackness swirling around the corners of your vision, chest tightening as it searched for oxygen that wouldn’t arrive. When he saw your eyes begin to close, he pushed your arms harder into the tree bark, and the pain jolted you back into consciousness despite the lack of air.

You did the only thing you could think of and nodded furiously.

Almost immediately, he released his grip on you and allowed you to you fall into him. As you choked on the breath that returned to your lungs, he placed a soft palm on the back of your head, and slowly dragged it down over your hair. The action was so gentle, so fleeting that you nearly missed it.

You attempted to stand on your own, pushing your palms up against his firm chest to regain your balance, and for a brief moment you were face to face with Levi. His expression was subtle, relaxed, but unmistakably sinister.

Before you could register the movement, his hand was tightened into your hair as he forced you off of the dirt path and into a clearing beyond the trees.

 _Let go of me! Stop! What the hell are you doing?_ You didn’t dare speak the words right now. You had a feeling that unlike the night before, Levi had no intention in giving you the option to get away.

Once you reached the clearing, he reached around your back and released the ODM gear from your harness, and you jumped at the sound as it clanked into the dirt.

A million thoughts raced through your mind. _Why did I have to provoke him? Was this is plan all along? Is this why he pulled me away from the other cadets? Could he really be this angry?_

Suddenly, you were thrown to the ground, your body slid and tumbled over the dirt until you landed on your stomach, palms in against the earth.

The force was so strong that the small wisps of breath you had gathered into your lungs were knocked clean out of you. You reeled in pain, swayed in confusion. You had been thrown on the ground like this plenty of times during training, you could take the hit, and you had seen Captain Levi use force like this on cadets hundred of times; for him, it might even be considered standard procedure. _But this_ , you thought, _this feels personal._

“I get it, you know,” You heard the sound of his own ODM gear hitting the ground, followed by the sight of his black boots as they entered your vision. He now stood directly over you. “The Scouts are your ‘out’. You came here to escape from your former life.”

You pushed up off the dirt and tilted yourself just enough to look up at him. His arms were crossed, his eyes appeared to drift beyond you and out into the forest, as if he were recalling a memory. His disheveled black hair that hung low over his face cast a shadow over his darkened eyes.

“Find a better reason to be here, Y/N. Before the reason finds you first.” Underneath the anger in his voice was a calm and clear knowing. Somewhere between the dizziness and the stinging pain on your arms, guilt was swirling around inside of you.

“Captain, I— Please,” you weren’t sure what you were pleading for.

Just as the word left your lips a force collided with the side of your head and you were sent face first into the dirt, Levi’s boot pressing into your cheek, locking you into the ground.

“Don’t try and be polite with me. I gave you plenty of chances. It’s time you learned your place.”

You knew you should feel small, scared, pathetic. You saw the situation for what it was - your superior officer, humanity’s strongest solider, was holding you hostage late at night in the middle of the woods. But the only feeling you could conjure was a convoluted and messy version of relief. You had been forced to completely relinquish your control, and even under the weight of his boot, you felt incredibly light.

“Don’t move.” He bent down and quickly got to work on your harness, haphazardly tossing the belts aside when he was finished.

He brought you back to your feet by your hair, pushing your back into a tree. You breathed heavily through parted lips as pain surged all over, from your scalp, to your dirty face, to your bleeding arms.

Though no sensation was able to pull your attention away from the way your pussy throbbed in want as Levi unbuttoned your pants and slid them over your hips and down to your knees.

He released the buttons of your top and brought it down over the tops of your shoulders, the cold forest air now caressing the skin of your abdomen. You wanted to reach out to him, remove his garments, feel the warmth of his skin underneath his shirt. You felt your hands move on their own.

“Bad girl,” he never failed to catch you, “no matter how much I hurt you, you just can’t seem to follow instructions, can you?”

You tensed your brow and swallowed hard as real fear grew in your stomach and spread out into your limbs. You hadn’t reached him just yet, and he hadn’t stopped you by force, but nevertheless you curled your fingers away from him and pulled your hands back.

He suppressed a look of satisfaction as you followed his command. He then placed his palm against the tree behind your head to bring himself closer to you, lips nearly touching, testing your resolve. You were shaking now, fighting hard against his magnetic pull.

“Open your mouth.” You obeyed, the sound of your fear made itself known in your labored breath as he lifted two fingers and slipped them between your lips. You remained still as he wet his digits over the length of your tongue and pushed them back toward your throat, raising an eyebrow as if he were curious to see if you could stay calm enough not to gag. You pushed away your nervousness and only looked at him, telling him with your eyes that you were giving in.

“Good girl. Now stay still, don’t make me hurt you some more.” The words floated into your ear as he moved his wet fingers down and slipped them into your underwear.

You gasped against his breath, the heat of his touch sending shockwaves through you as it met with your skin and traveled down to its destination. You could feel how wet you had already become and almost felt embarrassed that tonight, up until now, aside from briefly stroking your hair, the only way he had touched you was to hurt you.

Without wasting a single moment he moved his wet fingers along your folds until he reached your core and pressed into you. A small whimper was all that escaped you as you assumed his command not to move also meant not to make any noise. Arms at your sides, you pressed your palms into the tree and dug your fingers into the grooves of the bark as he moved in and out of you.

He finally pulled his lips away from where he had steadily held them inches from yours and lowered his head down into the crook of your neck. You closed your eyes and tilted your head to the side to give him more room as he bit at your tender skin, trailing his tongue along your pulse and sucking at the lobe of your ear. His fingers caressed you from the inside, pressing patterns into your g-spot as they steadily guided you up to your peak.

Your stifled moans vibrated behind your pursed lips and your thighs shook at each thrust of his hand. His thumb began to draw feather light circles atop your clit when he felt your walls begin to clench around his fingers.

He pulled back from your neck to look at you: eyes pressed shut, silently writhing and falling apart at his whim, skin glowing in the moonlight.

The approaching orgasm shot your eyes open, and in your clouded vision you saw Levi’s gun-metal eyes, filled to the brim with lust, fixed on you.

He raised an eyebrow, “Ask permission.”

You released a weary voice, smaller than a whisper, but the words were clear, “Captain Levi, please, can I come?”

Neither of you could look away, trapped in the gaze of the other. He smirked, no longer hiding his enjoyment, “Don’t be too loud. Come.”

You melted, merging with the waves of your orgasm as they rolled through you in rhythmic patterns. He pressed his hand back over your mouth as you started to moan, unable to hold back the sounds of the pleasure he gave you. His eyes never faltered, never moved away from your own; he wanted to savor every moment of your ecstasy, catch every exhale on his hand, feel every pulse on his fingertips.

You were able to catch your breath as he slowly pulled his hand away from your mouth, moving down your chin and resting it softly on the side of your neck, his thumb tracing the line of your jaw. The sounds of the forest began to fill the empty spaces left behind by the orgasm he gave you.

He pulled his hand away from your center and you hummed softly into the cool air, eyes now closed, head tiled back. You shivered as his hand crawled back up your abdomen and up to your neck, finally landing against your lower lip. You opened your eyes, and upon seeing his gaze on you, promptly parted your lips.

He slipped his fingers inside your mouth once more, forcing you to taste yourself. A low moan was coaxed from Levi as you closed your lips over his fingers and sucked them clean.

“Turn around.” His voice rumbled you to your core and you quickly obliged, spinning yourself around to face the tree. Your breathing quickened at the sound of his belt buckle, then a zipper. Your underwear were nearly ripped off of you as he tugged them down. Your heart rate rose as his hands gripped at the bend in your hips and pulled you out toward him.

In the calm that followed your orgasm, sobriety had slowly begun to reach you, bringing uncertainty along with it. Your mind started to race again, telling you to leave, to run, to get out of there. You looked down at your arms, they were now coated in thick red blood. You felt shame washing over you just like it had the night before, the difference now was that he wasn’t finished with you.

You blinked away the remaining spots in your vision, inhaled sharply, and cleared your throat. You knew the right thing to do was to try and stop things, to get back to the castle so that you could tend to your wounds.

_Get a fucking backbone and end this._

“Captain, I think we should head back, it’s getting late and I—”

Your arm was pulled behind your back and bent uncomfortably at your shoulder as Captain Levi held you at your wrist, sandwiching you between himself and the tree. You could feel the the tip of his cock pressing against your folds. A panicked squeal jumped out from your throat and you turned your head to the side to try and look at him from over your shoulder, but you could only glimpse a shadow of a man who didn’t care to hear your protests.

“Please, Captain Levi. Please, let’s just go back to the castle. I don’t want — ah!” He quieted your cries by pressing his length into you, a mixture of pleasure and pain electrified you from the inside out.

He clicked his tongue, “You haven’t learned your place yet, Y/N. That much is clear.”

He began to thrust into you, drawing himself out slowly before quickly forcing himself back into the warm embrace of your walls. With every jolt your eyes rolled back farther into your head. The pain in your shoulder that stung as he violently pressed you into the tree became nothing but white noise amidst the sensation of his cock filling you up.

Exasperated moans flew out from your throat as he quickened his pace, and you clenched around him as a new climax shyly approached. He must have felt you, because without missing a beat, he released your arm and moved hand up to wrap it tightly around your throat, pulling you off the tree completely so that you were arched back against him.

Small, short breaths managed to move in and out of your lungs as he continued his assault, but when you felt him begin to pulsate inside you, his grip tightened and once again, you were unable to breathe.

All at once, he pulled out of you and released your throat but caught you at your chest before you could fall forward. He breathed into your ear and bit down on your neck as he finished just outside of you.

There was a long silence as he gathered himself. You were still frozen in fear, in shock, maybe.

“Can you stand on your own?” He still held you close to him, one arm wrapped around your shoulders.

You tried to speak, but words refused to form. Instead you reached your arms out to the tree and slowly leaned away from him. He released his hold and moved back, and you waited for a moment before you felt his hands on either side of your legs, pulling your underwear back up and into place. All you could do was listen to your own shallow breath, sway with the hard pulse in your ears. You stared at the ground as he brought your pants back up over your hips.

“Turn around,” his voice was far from kind, but there was a certain softness to it now, which only worked to disorient you more. It was as if he was inviting you to relax, let your guard down, even though he had just done so much to instill paralyzing fear. “It’s ok, I’m going to button your shirt.”

You slowly turned around, but kept your gaze glued to the ground. Your eyes found a fallen leaf that rested just underneath Levi’s boot and rested there as he gathered the fabric of your top and fastened the buttons.

Once he finished dressing you, he paused and looked you over. When his eyes landed on your hair, he reached up to smooth it over. When they landed on your face, he brushed off the dirt with the side of your collar. He stepped back, “Put your harness back on.”

“Why?” The sound of your own voice surprised you.

He fetched the bundle of belts from the other side of the clearing and brought it to you. “We’re going to have to walk through a portion of the castle to get to my office.”

You took the harness and slipped it over you shoulders, averting his eyes, “No. I’m going back to my room.”

The pain was everywhere now, your throat scratched where he had pressed into it, your scalp burned where he had pulled your hair, your sex ached where he had forced himself into you.

“Y/N,” he walked over to you and placed his curled fingers beneath your chin, asking for your eyes. You lifted your gaze to find his apathetic expression decorated with a newfound levity and openness, as if to say ‘don’t worry, everything is fine now’. “You need a proper first aid kit. Do you have that in your room?”

You stammered, “No… I don’t.”

“Alright, then.” He put his own harness back on and led the two of you back out to the path to walk the remaining distance, the yellow lights of the castle growing brighter as you approached.

…

Your boots scraped in conflicting rhythms against the damp stone walkway that led through the castle. The walk back had been mostly silent, mostly uneventful, aside from when Captain Levi would occasionally glance over at you. You dismissed the idea that he was checking on your well-being. You weren’t sure if you were mad at him, mad at yourself, if you regretted some things and not others. You weren’t sure if you should blame yourself or place all the responsibility on Levi. You just wanted to get your wounds taken care of, then you would go back to your room, get some sleep, and in this morning this would all be behind you.

The two of you entered a courtyard to find Eren, Mikasa, Armin and Annie gathered at a bench. Armin held a book open and gestured toward some pictures printed onto the pages as Eren listened excitedly. Annie rested her cheek on a closed fist and Mikasa sat neatly beside them, asking Armin questions to encourage his rambling.

“Oi, brats,” Levi called out to them and you shot him a look. “No need to be out this late.”

Why didn’t he try to sneak past them? There was no way you could hide the state you were in; the blood from your arms had slid down and stained the rolled sleeves of your white shirt, and you were sure there were still dirt marks on your face.

They all stood, saluting him. Once Levi set them at ease, Eren immediately looked you up and down, then fixed on your arms.

“Sorry, sir! I got my hands on this new book and we must have lost track of time,” Armin grabbed the book and held it up high like a kid showing off a new toy.

“Y/N, what happened? You’re bleeding!” Eren took a few paces toward you, and you froze, waiting for Levi to interject with a reason, he was the one you forced you into this interaction after all, but he only looked over at you and raised an eyebrow. You wanted to punch him.

“Oh, uh, yeah. I sort of got drunk with Jean and Connie and all those guys…” you looked at Levi, trying to insinuate the need for help, but he only half-smirked. You turned back to Eren, “When Captain Levi pulled me aside to talk to me, I fell over the side of the path and into a ditch.”

You held up your arms, as if to say ‘look, see? I’m telling the truth!’.

“All those scrapes from a fall? On the backs on your arms like that? That doesn’t seem—”

“Eren,” Mikasa interjected, “we should get back to our rooms.”

You looked over and noticed that Levi had already resumed walking in the direction of his office, and you were irritated that you knew he expected you to follow. You were even more irritated that you knew you would.

Your eyes met with Eren’s briefly, and in the small moment you considered giving him a look, a signal, anything to let him know that you had just lied to him about what had just happened. Defeated by your own exhausted, you just gave a tired smile, “I’ll see you tomorrow for breakfast, ok?”

Mikasa was already dragging him off before he could respond, so you turned to catch up with Levi, a small hop in your step, hating yourself for how you still wanted to be close to him.

…

You were seated on the now familiar couch inside of Levi’s office, curled up with your knees pressed into your chest just as you had been the night before. Your harness and tall boots were neatly set near the doorway, and Levi had taken your shirt from you to to clean off the blood stains. You stared off into the distance, eyes grazing over the sparse bookcases, ears listening intently to the sounds of rummaging and running water that came from the other room.

You lifted your hands out in front of you to get a closer look at the scrapes on the tops of your wrists now that you were in the light. Many short, yet deep cuts covered a few inches of your skin, a mixture of blood and dirt was dried over them. When you looked closer, you noticed a few large splinters.

 _It’s not as bad as I thought it would be_ , you thought to yourself. If it weren’t for the splinters, you probably could have taken care of it on your own.

Levi emerged from the back room, which you assumed was his living space complete with a washroom. The sleeves of his grey shirt were rolled up to his elbows and his hair was slightly wet near his forehead. He must have washed his face, you thought, and longed for the same sensation.

In one hand he held a wooden bowl filled with steaming water, in the crook of his arm were a few rolled up wash cloths. In the other hand was a small tin box. He set the bowl and the box down on the end table of the couch and took a seat next to you. You watched as he unrolled a towel and dipped it into the water.

Levi held out his hand, and you reluctantly placed your left wrist in his palm. He gently pulled you closer, narrowing his eyes to get a better look at the damage he caused. You watched him, a mess of conflicting emotions tumbling around inside your head.

“Let me see the other one.”

You allowed it, keeping your eyes glued to him as he gave your right wrist the same examination before resting your arm in his lap. “This one looks worse, I’ll start there.”

He pressed the damp cloth over the cuts and you could feel the dried blood peel away from your skin. You shifted in your seat a bit when he dragged the cloth back to wipe away the debris, and he noticed, glancing up at you for a short moment before returning to his work.

“Are you going to glare at me like that all night?” The white cloth was beginning to turn red.

“I might.” You didn’t move your eyes from him.

He sighed and reached into his pocket to pull out a pocket knife. He held it up to show you, “I can use tweezers, but this will be quicker. Probably less painful.”

“Ah, now you care whether I’m in pain or not.” Your pierced into him with your stare. You needed him to know you were angry and that he wasn’t going to get away with it. You weren’t going to fall all over him just because he was being nice to you now. At least that’s what you told yourself.

He tilted his head to the side before looking down at your arm again, deciding to remove the splinters with the tip of the knife. You might have been nervous, but the sensation of his touch was enough to keep you calm.

“This might sting, just breathe through it.” He pressed the knife down and slipped a splinter out from your arm. You inhaled sharply. He got another. “There’s only a few more”

Once he finished with your arm, he applied a salve and and tenderly wrapped a bandage around the wounds. “Worst is over. Next.”

He went through the same procedure on your left wrist, and as he did you felt more and more confused, more angry. If you had it your way, you’d just let the emotions fall away, but your mind spiraled away without you - you had to understand his actions.

“Why are you doing this?”

He kept at his work, removing one splinter after the other, “Hmm, I think its good practice to clean wounds as soon as possible.”

“That’s not what I mean.” You pressed him, hardly remembering the last time you demanded an explanation from him.

He ignored you for a while, and swept the warm cloth over your arm one last time before gently and meticulously applying the salve. You couldn’t help but notice how carefully he wrapped the bandage, even unwrapping certain portions to get the tension just right. He brought you arm up out of his lap and used his teeth to tighten the knot in the edges of the bandages.

When he was done, he moved your arm back toward you and placed it over your knee, as if to return something precious that belonged to you. You could only stare at him, wide-eyed, unable to anticipate, or even fathom any of his actions any longer. He got up and went back to the other room, bringing the supplies with him.

You looked down at your bandaged arms, suddenly feeling very lonely. Most people who got wasted didn’t sober up in the same evening. You weren’t sure what to do next, how to feel, what to think.

Levi returned with another wash cloth in hand and sat down next to you, closer this time. He reached the washcloth up and began to wipe away the dirt on your face. You could feel the precise pressure of his thumb beneath the washcloth as it glided over your forehead, along your cheekbones, across your chin. For whatever reason, the gentle strokes coaxed out the tears that had been hiding away behind your eyes since you returned to the castle.

A few heavy drops fell from your eyelashes and onto his hand, and he became still, looking at you from behind his hair, his breath caught somewhere in his chest. The more tears that fell, the heavier your breath became, and the more Levi couldn’t hide the expression that made its way into his brow. It resembled concern. No, maybe sadness.

It was as if he pulled you into him without a single word or a single touch, but slowly you moved forward until your head was nestled onto his chest. He set the washcloth down on the end table, and you brought your legs up onto the couch to curl up against him, wrapping one arm around his abdomen. The heavy tears flowed out and begin to catch in a dark spot on his shirt. The only sound was your shaking breath.

After some time, you felt his hands rest on your back as he returned the embrace.

...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter goes out to anyone who has ever said "I just want Levi Ackerman to step on me" you're welcome.
> 
> Ok in all seriousness I struggled a lot with this chapter. I don't know why but I spent several hours reading about the mechanics of ODM gear just to write that little bit from when he removed it. Then I watched the No Regrets OVA again (and then got sad for few days) so I could do right by that tiny bit of dialogue about why Y/N is in the Scouts. Also just getting the flow right in the first half was rough. Hopefully it read ok.
> 
> I was originally going to end the chapter after they encounter Eren/Mikasa/Armin/Annie, but I reeeeaaaally didn't want to leave the readers on that note, emotionally. Can't do the hurt without the comfort. So that's why the chapter is a big longer :)
> 
> Anyway PLEASE leave kudos and comments if you feel like it, they keep me going and as long as I'm getting them I will continue writing! I have a general outline of where this is going so stay tuned :)


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